and when i think i have time to sit down and write, i just...don't.
we've been busy. halloween came and went. and although you've already seen everyone's adorable photos of their kids, a few weeks later, you are going to finally see mine!
october was fun. we did the family pumpkin patch, took family photos, and trick or treated together. family time rocks. halloween included the most adorable figherfighter EVER, and a VERY ferocious lion. i even made a mental note to be fully present. not just there, but really there.
i put the camera down. i enjoyed the night. yes, i totally took pictures, and i so desperately wanted to have pictures of them together, but i decided to snap the few monumental pictures and put the camera down.
i was able to watch and see the excitement on james' face when he realized people were giving him treats. just for being adorable. drew really didn't want much to do with his {much too small, but much too adorable not to buy} lion costume. {sorry kid, halloween at your age is more for your mama anyway!} at the end of the night, my heart was full. i was present. and although james may not remember that, i sure will.
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as sad as it seems, this morning was the first day that i really felt as if i have two kids. i mean, it took all of 9 months, however, it didn't really sink in because we were just trying to keep afloat. two under two is hard. especially when you have a daddy who works a lot. but at the same time, two under two is so incredibly awesome.
i woke up early this morning {read: 5:00am}, and just laid in bed. i heard drew stirring, but i silently ran through my busy day ahead, thinking he would roll over and go back to sleep. then i heard him coo as i rolled over to look at him in his crib, and he let out the most heartfelt squeel, as if it's been days since he's seen me.
well, it's not like 5:00am is prime togetherness time, but something inside me said that i needed this. i picked him up and out to the couch we went, laying in the dark. that's when it hit me. full of sleepy smiles, my drewbear snuggled up to me and gave me that much needed one on one time with him. i was able to, again, be fully present. not breaking him and james apart, while both cry. not frantically making supper. not juggling two kids, groceries, and diapers up the stairs.
i was able to see his face next to mine in the dark. smiling at me. nuzzling in so contently. seeing his eyes light up whenever i would go in for another kiss. feeling his soft cheeks on my chest when we snuggled. he is mine. my baby.
it renewed my soul. my heart is happy. i am content.
and my goal is to try to be present more often than not. my boys need it, but in all reality, i need it more.
