moving on

i shouldn't be so emotional about this.  but i am. 

i am officially pulling the boys from their daycare center, and signed them up at a home daycare.  and while i am ecstatic about our new "home away from home," i am left heartbroken about the lack of genuineness with our center.

see, nothing happened at the center.  there is not one single incident that made me switch daycares.  it's an accumulation of many small things, though.   

mainly, i have never been in love with them.  only comfortable.  i know have high expectations, but i have always felt like i have just settled.  do they provide great care?  yes.  do my boys enjoy going there?  yes.  have i ever worried about their safety?  not one bit.  so, it's never been about the formalities of a daycare center. 

however, it is about being treated with genuine care as a parent.  i've been in customer service for over ten years, so i know what good service looks and most importantly, feels like.  that is where i am having a hard time.  when i go into the office, i want to be called by my name and i want you to look me in the eye when i have a concern about my child.  i don't want to be poo-pooed like i have been in the past.  as a parent, i want you to go above and beyond to make me feel like my boys are getting the best care in town and that they are loved. 

so, when i went in to submit in writing our two week notice, one of the assistant directors gave me a lack-luster "aww", a blank sheet of paper, and a blank stare.  not one question of why we're leaving, not a "we'll miss your boys," not a single word. 

i cried all the way home.  i cried making supper.  i cried calling aaron. 

like i said, i know i shouldn't be this emotional.  BUT, that cold shoulder feeling that i got made me feel as if the last 2.5 years that my boys have been going here meant nothing to them.  that when i dropped my heart off that very first day at 8 weeks, and then every single work day after that, it was another paycheck they were collecting, not another heart they were taking in; my heart.  its a slap in my face.

i know they are a business.  but there is a difference in being a business and feeling like a business.  it just confirms that i'm making the right decision.  i've tried and tried to love our daycare.  and time and time again, i have just wound up heartbroken.  {like the time they didn't bother to make a mother's day card or when they made me get a doctor's note for cloth diapers or when i was told i had the longest run of incident reports for biting: 11 within 14 days...and that child is STILL in my son's room.}   

i am going to miss a lot of the faces there, and i know the boys will.  but i am excited to finally have consistency in care with a familiar face that i found was lacking at a center.  too many shifts and too much turnaround.  plus, if it wasn't for the center, i wouldn't have found two of my greatest friends, maggie and maria.  they made my transition from full-time mom to full-time working mom bearable.  and most importantly {at the time}, they taught me how to swaddle! 

so, we are moving on.  the boys are going to love their new daycare, and james didn't want to leave last night after we signed the new contract.  my heart was heavy leaving them at the center this morning, but i need to remember that it's their loss, not ours.  i'm doing what i can for my boys and myself.  a new chapter starts soon, and i'm hopeful for a turn for the better.

and finally a picture of my sweets.  because they make this whole working-mom-heartache-thing worth it.

hazed

well, we are officially east siders.  no key to the city, no fireworks, no welcome wagon.  i will dare to conclude that the city of egf doesn't really care that the vigs are here to stay.  {pshhh!}

and with that, we have officially been introduced to egf's snottiness.  i mean, we always knew they were snotty, but last night, it slapped us {me} in the face.

as the new neighbor on the block, we want to put forth our best foot, right? however, it's like a 'one-upper' on mowing.  just when you think you're in the clear, the neighbor goes out and makes you look all bad, and then the domino effect comes into play and everyone has to mow their lawn. 

however, they haven't met the vigs.  {sigh}.  aaron has his own agenda with the yard.  as in, let's wait until it looks like a hayfield to mow.  and then lets mow it with the old crappy mower with uneven blades to make it look like shit.  and it'll be ok because it's mowed, right? 

and so when you mow a hayfield, you gotta get the bailer out.  or in our case, rake that shit up so it at least looks like you're attempting to fit in and make the neighborhood look decent.  but that poses a problem when you don't have a rake.  and you're not gonna just run over to the neighbors who stay on top of their lawn and ask for a rake...especially at 9 o'clock at night because naturally your husband decides that right after the boys' bedtime is a perfect time to mow.

so aaron digs through the garage.  and bless our old farmer who sold us our house, as he left some mighty good gems for us.  {console tv with the world's biggest universal remote, ancient push lawn mower, and bejeweled pheasant art}  and what does aaron come up with?  a rusty old HAY RAKE.  of course.  now i'm glad its 9pm so nobody can see me trying to rake my front lawn with this damn thing.  if we didn't look like hicks with our hayfield, we do now.

anyways, moving on to disposing of our grass clippings.  i thought i'd be proactive and just get it done with so i drive over to the city's disposal area.  but i missed the turn and had to take the scenic route back to pull in, only to realize that it's locked.  LOCKED.  as in, you need a special badge to scan and let you in.  wtf?  who keeps their grass clipping disposal area under lock and key?!  and furthermore, who the hell is going to break in and steal it?!

of course i'm horrified, and to make things worse, it's a one-way in and one-way out kind of area.  so as i'm backing out onto major traffic {major for egf}, two vehicles are trying to get in.  now, not only do i look like an idiot, but others are witnessing it.  and what's worse, is that i still have my nd license plates, so to the snotty east siders, it looked as if i was trying to bring my nd grass clippings into their precious locked up grass clipping disposal area.  that's probably why they locked it, to keep the nd riff-raff out!

so i have been hazed.  by the city of egf.  and they're laughing, because when you sign up for garbage and water, they don't tell you all that you need to know.  they wait for you to learn the hard way and then they laugh as you look like a dumbass backing out of the one-way.

but i'll show them.  i'll drive across the river and dump my clippings in the unlocked, unmanned, totally accessible gf disposal.  snotty egf, i'm totally not paying for access to your precious disposal site.  i'll learn to be snotty in other ways.



see?  i'm not even kidding.  hicks.

 

disclaimer: i don't mean to offend any east siders.  however, you know you're snotty.  just admit it.  we want to be identified as our own town, not with gf.  i get it.  i will be too.  just not over this rediculous aspect.

this & that

i owe an explanation.  i've been absent for quite awhile, and there is a perfectly good reason for it.

we've been busy!  spring has proven to be chalk full of excitement and love.  my brother and his family were home for a week visiting.  picnics outside with my boys.  walks to the park.  playing at grammy's.  playdates with little friends.  plus a mama vacation in the cities to spend much needed quality time with my sorority sisters.  nothing refuels the soul like belly laughs and beer, shopping, and rubbing baby bellies!

but, something in particular has taken most of my time, energy, and thought consumption.

we bought a house.  well...we're closing on it today.  {so it's practically official, right?}

and?  it is perfect.  it has everything we wanted on our wishlist.  even aaron is excited, and for a guy who doesn't show much emotion, he is excited.  he hugged me a bit tighter this morning.  knowing full well that today is the day.

it's been a long road, with some ups and downs.  but what journey doesn't have those?  we {and when i say we, i mean me} have been purging, packing, and living among boxes.  waiting for reality to set in, that this is actually happening.   

we are so excited to make this house our home.  remodeling is planned.  the pinterest boards are chalk full of ideas.  furniture is being ordered. 

but besides the fact that we have a full size kitchen, a backyard to play in, and all sorts of natural light peeking in through our windows, do you want to know the best part?  that there are two little boys who can't wait to move into our "new red house".  neither of the boys wanted to leave from the walk-through last night.  between the running in the backyard, jumping from the steps in our sunken livingroom, and picking out his room, james asked if we could stay so we could have a picnic there. {que heart swelling here}

we are so ready.  the next step in our adventure begins. 

great before. great after.

it's no secret that both of my boys wore helmets.  both of their little heads grew in width, but lacked growing in length.  there are a number of reasons why their heads didn't shape as 'normally' as they should; familial gene, laying transverse in my belly, long labors & fast deliveries, not enough tummy time, or all of the above.  but thanks to Altru Health System and their team of specialists, we were able to correct their little noggins before a problem ever arose.

a few months back i taped a segment for my Altru Moment.  yesterday, it finally launched.  please take the time to learn a bit more about my experiences with james and his helmet.

{side bar: you may already know this, but this is the first time i've ever really watched myself on camera trying to be serious, and i have quite the facial expressions.  yikes.  note to self: work on that pirate eye.}

this is my Altru Moment. 

his sweet, gentle heart.

i want to remember this night forever.  the night that i saw my sweet james' heart open wide.  the night that i knew we were doing something right raising him.

as of late, james has been two.  and i mean all of two.  and sometimes its hard to remember the funny, good times through all the tears.  {and believe me, it's not just him in tears.}

but on tuesday night, as james and i were rocking in his room together, i asked him if he wanted to say his prayers together.  and in his sweet, little voice he said, "yes, mommy."

so we start with our usuals.  God bless mommy.  God bless daddy.  God bless james.   and God bless drew.   

then i asked if there was anybody else we should pray for.  and he immediately says, "maggie!  and ria!".  see, maggie and maria are dear friends of ours who were his baby teachers at daycare, and are now drew's.  to say we are great friends is an understatement. 

i then again ask james if there was anybody else we should pray for.  then through the dark, he turns and looks at me and asks, "christian?" 

christian is maria's little boy, who is about a month older than drew.  james calls christian his little buddy.  and you better believe that everytime he sees maria, he asks right away where christian is.  james always has christian's back.

{que heart melting.}

so we finish our prayers with the sign of the cross, james' favorite part.  and he's getting quite good at it, too.  we always have a good exuberant aaaaaaaa-MEN at the end, too!  but that wasn't good enough. 

james wanted to do it all again. 

"me do it.  me do it myself."

and so he did.  everyone got doubly blessed tuesday night. 

my sweet boy, with his ever gentle heart.

stripes and polka dots

my heart is overflowing today.  as in, Drew's party was everything i wanted it to be for him.  i know he won't remember it, but one day he will look back at pictures and see that we celebrated his {unofficial} birthday with close friends and family and he will see the smile on his face and know in his heart that it was a fantastic day.

although i got a bit worked up with my never failing late husband, i was able to decorate and still be present, just the way i wanted.  i was able to see Drew plow around everyone and laugh.  i was able to hear James laugh and giggle as his cousins swarmed around him.  i was in awe at the friends and family that came to show their love for Drew.  its moments like his party that will be forever ingrained in my heart. 



stripes and polka dots

 

my boys just being themselves.
nose pickers, going in two different directions at warp speed.

we had seven present helpers...under the age of five.
 

party animal.
{and a birthday shirt made with love by mama<3}

and at the end of the day, this smile is all i needed to see.  it sums up his party and day beautifully.  my happy, loved, blessed boy.



all smiles.

drew | one

where do i even begin?  my baby is one.  {unofficially, of course.}

party prep was in full blown mode last night, and i'm excited for tonight.  happy joe's isn't gonna know what's hit them!  what better way to celebrate with close family and friends and seven under the age of five?  a party not in my home, but rather at the local pizza joint, that's what!

again, the word bittersweet comes to mind.  i am so excited for what is to come, but sad that we're leaving the baby days behind us.  i know, i know.  he's still my baby, and i should've been prepared for this as drew has been a monster from the beginning.  i mean, don't all one year olds tackle two year olds on a regular basis?  no?  that's just my kid?  hmmm, imagine that.

without further ado, here is a little recap on my drewbear.  my baby.

drew-

you are {unofficially} one.  we made it.  not only did we survive as a family of four, but i think we came out the other side fairly unscathed.  that's not to say we didn't have our ups and downs along the way {your helmet, the black plague flu...twice, brotherly love, pink eye, new traditions, and everyday giggles}, but let's chalk it up to making it memorable.  i absolutely adore seeing you interact with james, it honestly is one of the best parts about being your mama.  i am excited to see how your bond grows and strengthens in the many years to come.

stats: n/a.  but we have your appointment tomorrow, so i'm excited to see how much you've grown!  as a reference, you are in 2T clothes and size 6 shoes, so let's just chalk it up as you're a monster.
foods: you will inhale almost anything.  you're a man that's good with a fork and knife as grammy would say :) we're feverishly trying to get you onto whole milk and sippys, but let's face it, you like your snuggle time with a bottle, and who am i to complain?  {except for the price of formula...mama will complain about that obsceneness!}
sleeping: all through the night since 10 weeks!  you are easy to put down at night and i thank you dearly for it!  you definitely love your sleep like your daddy, and i don't blame you.  you're constantly growing!
milestones: you are a walking machine now, and just learned how to stand up without needing to be next to something.  you blow kisses and even make the smacking sound, which melts my heart. 
favorites: your blankie. belly tickles.  mama snuggles.  bath time with james.  well, anything with james. 
new things: breaking through your molars.  {although you're a better teether than james, mama is still not impressed.} 
personality: laid back like daddy.  social like mama.  so expressive.  completely vain and you love to look at yourself in the mirror.  {but, hey, i don't blame you.  if i were half as cute as you, i would do it constantly, too!}  you remind me so much like your uncle mark, it's not even funny.  even more so than james.  your mannerisms, facial expressions, and loveable/squishy/adorable self reminds me of him every day.  one more thing i love about you :)

drewbear, you are the most fun, sweetest, BUSIEST little man that i know.  we made it.  i don't know how, but we did.  i am nervous excited to see what warp speed has in store for us in this next year.  but today, i'm going to revel in the bittersweet memories of the past year and especially today. 

i love you, little buddy.

love, your mama

my how we have grown.



reminiscing

one year ago today i was patiently waiting for signs that my drewbear was to come.   i had early contractions, just as i did with james, but nothing definitive.  i was bigger than a house {with the double chin to prove it}, had a baby already at home {although he was going on 18 months}, and was so supremely nervous to bring another home. 

39 weeks

it was about this time that in my hormonal state that aaron came home to me sobbing on the couch with a sleeping james in my non-existent lap.  when he asked me what was wrong, my word vomit came out something like, "i'm an awful person.  i don't want to screw up our perfect family of three!"  aaron calmly reassured me that although we have such a good thing now, something even better was about to happen to our perfect family.  i don't know if husbands really do get it, or it seems like it because pregnant women are hormonal, exhausted, delirious with anticipation.  either way, i was grateful for those sweet words out of his mouth.  he has a way of melting fears away.

even with his reassurance, i {crazy, of course} didn't realize the awesome miracle that was about to happen to our family.

late night snuggles with my only boy. 
waiting for our new brother to arrive!

God chose us.  He chose us to raise two completely unique, spunky, and wonderfully made boys.  little did i know that a week later, on his due date, our lives would change for the better.  we didn't screw up our family, but we gave james the greatest gift we could ever give him.  a brother.

as i reminisce about the next week, counting down the days until our little man turns one, i will be forever humbled at how incredible james took to being a big brother.  i look back through all of my pictures and how this part was made for him.  God knew, He always does. 


He knew what He was doing.
Photo courtesy of Melissa Dale Photography

milestones

well, something new and exciting happened at our house over the weekend.  and no, it wasn't james coloring in drew's baby book.  nor was it the hunt for a new winter hat amongst the spring lines in all the stores, since james decided to throw his out while shopping in target.

we have a new walker! 

yep, drewbear took his first steps this weekend, and aaron and i both witnessed it!  three steps, to be exact.  we have been practicing walking with holding only one hand, and we knew it was only a matter of time.  even james was jumping up and down excited, so you know it was a big deal to everyone in the house!

another milestone surpassed.  and in less than a month, we will be reaching another.  an {unofficial} first birthday. 

{be still, my heart.}

birthday presents already purchased.  cake pops already practiced.  invites already made.  this mama feels like she is ready for this party, but only in a planning sense.  not in the mental state, as i am in heavy denial. 

like heavy, heavy, heavy denial. 

so i am going to bask in the next 24 days that i have left to call drew a baby.  yes, i know he will always be my baby, but he is on the cusp of toddlerhood status now.  i should've been a bit more prepared with this, as he's looked like a toddler since, you know, 6 months.  but, i digress.

february is bright, and full of milestones!  the best is yet to come, right?  and for your viewing pleasure, the vigness boys:

james requested to take a "pic-ture wish dwoo".  so sweet!

soon.

you don't truly know how small four walls of your house can be until you're stuck inside of it with sick littles.  add in negative {as in below zero} wind chills, and two babies under two?  yeah, not happening. 

we have had the influenza twice.  TWICE.  add colds, snot, coughs, and lingering fevers on top of that.  to say we're going stir crazy is a bit of an understatement.

nothing makes you want a space of your own like being trapped in a tiny apartment with two snotty, hacking, whiney babies.  i know i have talked about my dream for a house on here before, but the want has become severe.  as in, always-on-my-mind-obsessed, severe.  and to top it off, the housing market around here SUCKS.  there is just not a lot for sale.  and what's worse?  we're not quite ready to buy.  so it's my heart against my head.  my head knows better than to scour craigslist and property sites.  but my heart yearns for a place to decorate. to call mine.

aaron tells me soon.

soon.  what the hell does that mean??  that's something people say to avoid confrontation.  it's like being pregnant and giving a due date, even though everybody knows that actual date is crap. 

soon.  psh.

that's what aaron told me when i asked him to marry me every day for two months straight.  really?  you know how impatient this girl is.  why make me wait?  soon, my ass.  to put it in perspective, he made me wait eight years to get married.  granted, we started dating at 15, but still.  you would think that he'd know me well enough that patience is most definitely not a strong trait of mine.

{sigh.} we will get there.  just as we will all start feeling better.  and i hate to wish the time away, as these two littles need me present, and i promised myself i would be.  but that doesn't stop my heart for wanting more.  knowing that its right within reach, i just need the word from aaron and my pinterest boards will light up with decorating ideas.  {insert images of clark griswald's house and his excitement.  totally that girl.}   

one day.  i just need my heart and mind to get in sync with each other and get me through to that day.

one day soon.