time.

time, please stand still for a moment.

let me squeeze my babies just a little bit tighter.  longer.  and then some more after that.

my baby is turning two this week.  and that scares the bejeezus out of me.  i am absolutely in love with james being 23 months old.  he is so curious, so happy, and so incredibly sweet.  he loves drew.  he loves ernie.  he loves anything with wheels.  he’s asked for a green bike for his birthday.  and this mama is SO going to deliver!  {sidenote: james has also asked for a green puppy, but he will have to settle with his sweet green bike!} 

as exciting as every day is with him, i am a tad bit heartbroken when the day is done.  he is becoming more and more independent, and as much as that is so awesome and my heart fills with pride over that, it is completely bittersweet, too.  i know that it won’t be long before he doesn’t need me to help find ernie.  or that he doesn’t want me to kiss his owies.  or that he won’t need to hold my hand down the two flights of stairs every morning. 

i know i grumble and take for granted these sweet gestures, probably even daily.  however, in my reflecting of the last year, i have come to the conclusion that i don’t like this growing up business.  yes, i’m excited to see what james can accomplish and do in the next year, as i know he is going to be larger than life, i’m sure!  but as any mother can attest to, i’m sure, there is a tinge in my heart that also misses that sweet face that holds up both arms and asks, “hold you, mama?”

i didn’t feel this way when he turned one.  i mean, apart of me was sad and reflected, but not like now.  like with drew, i am excited and constantly amazed at the milestones that he is reaching.  but it seems as if after that first year, the milestones switch into high gear and they learn something new every day, instead of every month. 

my baby is going to be two.  and after a bit more self-wallowing, i will be ready to tackle the awesomeness {barring tantrums/attitude/general boyness} that is yet to come.  i just need to squeeze my baby just a little bit tighter.  longer.  and then some more after that. 

my {not so little} baby