mom guilt

i don't think anyone knows guilt until they're a mom.  seriously.

you're doing all that you can to build your dreams as a family, but feel defeated when plans go astray and you can't give your babies that yard they so desperately want.   guilt.

you want to have the upkept house, supper on the table, and happy kids.  instead there are toys, clothes, shoes, and dishes everywhere.  supper is a last minute "how about a pb&j sandwich and banana?" bribe.  all the while one kid is crying at your feet begging for a bottle and the other is throwing a tantrum because he wants chicken nuggets for the fourth night in a row.  guilt.

you have the day planned out perfectly of family time, only to have a meltdown followed by more crying and throwing a shoe at the little brother for invading his big brother's space.  ensue the irritated mom voice, which ultimately ensures more crying.  guilt.

these days i find my patience waring.  i find myself getting after james for things that is only natural to a toddler, especially for being a boy.  it's hard for him to understand that drew doesn't always want to be bear-hugged, jumped on, and that personal space goes both ways.  and it's even more hard for james to understand that now that drew is mobile, he is going to get into your toys, blankets, or heaven forbid, ernie. {meltdowns of the century, seriously.}

don't get me wrong, i am forever grateful that i have these two beautiful babes in my life.  so why do i lose my patience on these precious boys?  {insert guilt here.}  after they go to bed, they are already that much older, that much bigger, and that much closer to not needing me.  so why can't i remember these things when they are constantly tugging at me, asking why a million times, or raming their trike into every possible entity around the house? 

i need to remember that i'm doing all i can with what i've got.  at the end of the day, material wishes and wants will fade.  my boys will know that our tiny apartment is our home, full of love, even though grand dreams of a house with a yard are forever on my mind.  they know that i will drop everything to kiss their tears away.  they know their mama will snuggle and rock them before bedtime and check on them a million times after that.  and most of all, even though there are dishes lined up, my hair is in a pony, and diapers are waiting to be washed, they are loved.

 

Source: Diapers & Daisies